The cycle of Depression & Overcoming it.

I think I deleted my very first post on depression I had been dealing with when I was about 20 years old. By the time I was 21 I had pretty much centered my mind and come out of it. I was pretty happy and positive for a while. Then at some point maybe about a year or two ago I find myself going in and out of this depression. I ask myself how I go from this happy, energetic and loving person. To this bitter, down, self conscious and unhappy person. It has nothing to do with the people in my life.. that I know. So what is it?

I am still not entirely sure. But I know this is not who I am. This is not who I want to be. I want to be the positive optimistic anything is possible always grateful person I once was. But how?

Depression hinders a lot. Although, it may seem like an excuse or something you can easily get over its not. Holding your breath randomly throughout the day and having to remind yourself to breath is also a part of anxiety that comes with depression. That is something I do often. I'm finding that I stress eat causing me to gain wait and preventing me from being the positive health role model I aspire to be. Reality is sometimes I have my life together and when I'm happy I AM HEALTHY; and other times I do not have my life together. Therefore, I am stressed and I eat things I know will not add to the wellbeing of my body.. not to mention the ridiculous weight gain. I lose interest in things that typically interest me. Such as, creating youtube videos, dressing cute and also posting those, taking selfies, experimenting with make up, experimenting in the kitchen, going out with friends and much more. I just feel like doing nothing. I find myself making excuses for myself. Although, I know I know better.

How do I plan on overcoming this..?

First, I plan on taking a social break. Limiting going out and putting my face into some uplifting books. Practicing eating control and healthy habits along with practicing gratitude. I know this is easier said than done. But the last time I took a break from people and really just took time to myself I came out of it the most positive version of myself. Ultimately, thats who I want to be all the time.

For any of you feeling lack of motivation and depressed feel free to comment any suggestions on what has worked for you. I am definitely interested in hearing your thoughts.

xo

- Vanessa

There is always something to be grateful for...

I just read a friends blog (spilledmilkandmascara via Wordpress) as I literally got done crying in my car on my lunch break over things that are rough at the moment. I'm not going to lie this month financially was tougher than others have been this year.. And in two weeks I'll be out of work for two months. So I am a little overwhelmed and feeling all of what I lack currently in life.& that's not me. In my moment of crying and being frustrated I thought to myself, "I am someone who who helps people in these situations." And then more tears came. 

Going back and forth with positive thoughts then negative thoughts and things I should be grateful for, clothes on my back, car, and clean water to drink... My mind still filled up with lack, what I do not have in this moment, what is causing me stress in this moment. 

I picked up the closest book to me in my car and opened it to a page.. Where there just so happened to be a prayer.. That read...

Dear God,

I know that you are bigger than my business/financial problems, but by myself I cannot fix this. 

Please guide my thinking, open my heart and send me a miracle.

Amen

I felt a little better after reading that.. And then seeing her blog 52 weeks of gratitude minutes after. She issued herself a challenge to share what she is grateful for for 52 weeks. In this moment I had to stop myself and say I have so much to be grateful for. Regardless of what my current circumstances are I know they are very very temporary. This is a good moment for me to not forget why remaining grateful in tougher times is so important. This will pass, this has no reflection on who I am and at some point everyone goes through it. 

So even though I'm feeling pretty damn shitty.. 

Here are some things I would like to thank God for.

My outstanding health, thank you God. 

My home, thank you God. 

My supportive family, thank you God.

My supportive boyfriend, thank you God.

My jobs, thank you God! 

My supportive friends, thank you God.

My bed, toothbrush, hot showers, thank you God.

All of my material possessions, clothes, shoes, make up. Thank you God! 

Paying all of my bills on time, thank you God!

My ability to see, taste, touch, hear and smell. Thank you God!

For all of the people who watch and support my YouTube channel and allow me to inspire them, thank you God. 

My books, thank you God!

For all new experiences that will allow me to grow, learn and prosper. Thank you God! 

There is always something to be grateful for. No matter what you are in the middle of. 

Xo

-Vanessa